I feel in my heart that God is doing something big. I don't know what it all means, but all around me, people are standing up for their faith. They are standing up and saying, "Yes, God! I will obey!" or "Send me! I will follow you to the ends of the earth." And yet, what do I do? I sit in my comfortable home with heat and clean water (though horribly chlorinated these days) and shed many tears as my heart aches to be one of those. And yet I still sit. I'm still and I don't use my voice.
God? What are you leading me to do? Am I to be taken from the comforts of home and friends whom I have come to love so much to do your work elsewhere? What does this all mean for our family? Is there something here that I can do? Oh how I hate to move my children again and uproot them. And then... I read this post by Amy. I worked at camp with her husband. They are moving to Africa to be missionaries there. Her words in this post and many previous ones touch my heart so deeply, I cannot even begin to understand it all. But when she says, "So I'm praying that God will help my mommy-heart to remember that it's ok if my kids aren't happy all the time. It's ok for them to dislike the food. It won't scar them for life if they have a tough time in school or if they miss their friends. God will take care of their hearts the same way he's taking care of mine, and they will ultimately be in His hands every moment, just like they are now. " I am blown away. It really IS okay for our kids to be out of their comfort zone and really? Their lives and hearts are in God's mighty hands, I just get to hold them for awhile.
God, my heart aches for you. To do YOUR will, not mine. I don't know where this is all leading, but I am excited! I am frightened and I am in awe of how you work in our hearts to follow you.
As the tears fall, Lord, please keep my heart open to you.
Your post caught my eye, and I'm glad it did. I too feel God very clearly moving in my life once again, and yes that is always exciting... if not a little scary sometimes too.
ReplyDeleteIt's wonderful that you are open to God's leading and excited about it too. And I want to encourage you to be open to everything... even if where God leads you doesn't seem to be as big as Africa or some other faraway location. Sometimes the answer is so much more simple.
Years ago God made it very clear to me that His mission for me was my marriage. Our Tuesday night Bible study at Gateway was doing "Experiencing God", which I highly recommend. During that study, I asked many of the same questions you are asking now... and God's answer was simple; your husband and your marriage. It made perfect sense, as Scott is unsaved and while he has come close at times he is not there yet.
God didn't send me to Africa, but He did send me to Chicago. He asked me to leave the comfort of my home, my friends and my church and move to a cold, foreign land where I knew no one. Because this wasn't about me, it was about Scott. And I've never regretted it for one second. Sure I miss my friends, the California weather, Gateway and the ocean. But since being here Scott has done nothing but flourish. And, while he's not right with Christ yet I can see how God is using Scott's growth to prepare him for when the time is right. And I know God is using me to impact Scott's unsaved family as well.
I'm not sure how I would react if God was calling me to serve in Africa or if I had children to think of. I hope I would respond as I did in my current mission. But what I do know for sure, wherever God leads us He will care for us... and the blessings will be in abundance.
You are a wonderful, Godly woman, wife and mother Chrissy... and I know God is proud of you. So am I <3