Love HER!!!

Every time I see her little face, it just reminds me how blessed I am to have her here with me.  What a joy to be able to call her my daughter and what a job I have been given to raise her with grace, internal beauty and a love for God and his people.  Not an easy task, but she makes it so worth it!  I am privileged to call her my daughter.

A Stirring in my soul

I feel in my heart that God is doing something big.  I don't know what it all means, but all around me, people are standing up for their faith.  They are standing up and saying, "Yes, God! I will obey!" or "Send me! I will follow you to the ends of the earth." And yet, what do I do? I sit in my comfortable home with heat and clean water (though horribly chlorinated these days) and shed many tears as my heart aches to be one of those. And yet I still sit. I'm still and I don't use my voice.

God?  What are you leading me to do? Am I to be taken from the comforts of home and friends whom I have come to love so much to do your work elsewhere?  What does this all mean for our family?  Is there something here that I can do?  Oh how I hate to move my children again and uproot them.  And then... I read this post by Amy.  I worked at camp with her husband.  They are moving to Africa to be missionaries there. Her words in this post and many previous ones touch my heart so deeply, I cannot even begin to understand it all.  But when she says, "So I'm praying that God will help my mommy-heart to remember that it's ok if my kids aren't happy all the time. It's ok for them to dislike the food. It won't scar them for life if they have a tough time in school or if they miss their friends. God will take care of their hearts the same way he's taking care of mine, and they will ultimately be in His hands every moment, just like they are now. "  I am blown away.  It really IS okay for our kids to be out of their comfort zone and really? Their lives and hearts are in God's mighty hands, I just get to hold them for awhile.

God, my heart aches for you. To do YOUR will, not mine. I don't know where this is all leading, but I am excited! I am frightened and I am in awe of how you work in our hearts to follow you.

As the tears fall, Lord, please keep my heart open to you.

Living Without

There is a magazine called Living Without.  It is a magazine dedicated to those with food sensitivities and allergies.  Perfect for someone like me who is trying to live a more Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free life.

Even though I've mentioned the magazine, which I think is great... the name of the magazine is what caught my eye this morning.  Living Without. What does that really mean?  I found the tab open for the magazine, amongst my other 43 tabs and thought to myself that I really hold on to so much.

* I hold onto so many tabs on my browser, because I haven't had the time to look at them yet and if I bookmark them, maybe I will never come back to it.
* I hold onto magazines because there are so great articles, I don't want to forget about.
* I hold onto items that are filling up our garage, because we may need them someday. (no I am not a hoarder!) Realistic items!
* I hold onto clothes that no longer fit, but since I have been trying to get more healthy, the budget-wise person in me doesn't want to go through the process of buying a new wardrobe. The woman in me does, though! :)
* I even hold onto friendships that their season is dying out, but I'm holding on in hopes that it wont.  God gives us friendships.  They need to be nurtured and cared for. If one or both parties lets the ball drop, the season of that friendship starts to die out.  Sometimes you just need a break as you both are in the process of learning about yourself and then you eventually find your way back together, but sometimes not.  I have many such friendships that come back and some that haven't.  It is hard to feel like I am not a failure because those friends are no longer an integral part of my life.  But really, I know that God has something amazing in store for me, so I just count my blessings for the time I had with that person and learn to move on.  Holding on to that hope can eat at you!
* I hold onto the hope that someday I will be the woman God wants me to be, instead of being the woman He made me for right now. Still, working towards that other woman, but being content now is the key.
* I hold onto past hurts and angst, which need to be let go of as they do nothing but hinder me in my walk now.
* I sometimes hold onto my children too tightly.  They need to be free to explore and learn and grow, but this mommy wants just a few more snuggles or a few more years of this cute stage before they go off into the real world - like Kindergarten next year for Sweet Pea! Yikes!
* I hold onto the resources that we have. So many children and people out there need to be fed and clothed and yet I worry if my children are going to get "enough" at Christmas or have "the best" birthday party.  The woman in the blog doesn't think of herself, she thinks of those around her. What if I just let go of the idea that everything has to be perfect? Let go of my desire to fit into the right scenes or social circles and really focus on what is truly important?!

There are so many other things and ideas I hold onto, but need to let go of.  It's just scary to think what is around the next bend. I am reminded constantly of the scene in Finding Nemo when Dory and Marlin are inside the whale's stomach... 

Dory: He says, "It's time to let go!". Everything's going to be all right.

Marlin: How do you know, how do you know something bad isn't gonna happen?!

Dory: I don't!

I don't know what is going to happen next, but I have to trust God that He is in charge, not me! And He will lead me in the right way, even if I have to "let go" and be vulnerable. The next time you see me "holding on", feel free to gently remind me to let go. And if I'm not listening? You have my permission to smack me upside the head.

Here is to a new season! A new season of garage sales, friendships, an eventual new season of new clothes *yay*, a new season of letting my children explore more, a season of godly growth, of listening, obeying and carrying out His plans instead of holding them all to myself.  A new season of giving more. More time, more resources, more wisdom and letting go of the fears that holds me back.  Letting go of the stacks of papers and magazines that clutter up my home and my thoughts. I can Live Without so much if I just set my eyes and heart in the right places and focus on the important things. It is time to be real and focus on the important things that are laid ahead of me, not the ones I place in my path.

Proverbs 21: 2, 20-21 KJV
2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts.
20 There is treasure to be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise; but a foolish man spendeth it up.
21 He that followeth after righteousness and mercy findeth life, righteousness, and honour.

What it really means to share

We have a bank set up for the kids in the bathroom.  They made these firehouse banks at Home Depot at one of the workshops.  It is great because it has a spot for them to Save, Spend and Share.  When they go potty, they get a certain number of pennies to put in their bank. 

This morning, I saw Sweet Pea take 2 pennies and put it in his bank and start to walk out.  It just seemed so automatic, so I questioned him about it.  "Sweet Pea, you know you have a spot to put pennies for spending, saving and sharing, right?" "Yes, Mommy", he said, walking away, trying to get back to his toys.  "Wait a second, Sweet Pea.  Why do you put your money in the Share bank each time?" I then, opened up the bank to show him the three sections and to show that the Share section was almost full while spending and saving had just a handful of pennies each.  "Well, Mommy." he said with a slightly crooked stance and his hand on his hip, "we're supposed to share our money with others and this way I can give it to God." Satisfied with his own answer, he walked away as I stood there so proud of my little boy.

No, we didn't have a deep, spiritual conversation about God and the meaning of sharing and giving God your money, but the fact is... for this 4 year old boy, he gets it. He understands the importance in His world.  He accepts it and wants to be a part of the bigger picture.  Awesome!