His Own Thinker

This morning, like most mornings, I made the kids their smoothie shake for the first part of breakfast. If nothing else, I know they will have some protein, dairy and fruit (and sometimes some hidden spinach... heh heh heh) in them to get started for the day.

Today, I left them on their little Spiderman couch to watch a show while drinking their smoothie and I could have a few moments to get dressed in peace.

Same thing to drink, same show to watch, same routine.

And then... I heard water running. What?? I knew that The Hubster wasn't home, so where was the water coming from? Do we have a leak somewhere? Investigating, I went into the kitchen to find Sweet Pea, standing on his little chair, turning the water off of the sink and drying his hands. After he was done with his smoothie drink, he washed out his cup and everything!

Memories flooded back to when I was just a little younger than him and I went into my parent's bedroom, held out my fingers and said, "mommy, ouch!", for I had burned my fingers on our gas stove, making eggs that morning. While they were still in bed, I was up running around making my own breakfast! Needless to say, that was when they started to take the knobs off of the stove.Now, I am not one of those moms who has to control everything their children do (although yes, I do still hold control in some areas I know I need to let go in), but Sweet Pea has usually been good about asking me first before doing anything in the kitchen. Now? It's time to watch out! We've got a "thinker" and a "do-er" on our hands! Excited, yet scared to see what he will do next!

A Busy Mother's Prayer

Lord, help me to spend more time with my children when we are home all together. Sometimes the chores and all the other countless things I want to get done, can wait. My children are home, they are present, and they are with me! Remind me that these years are precious and few...

Amen!

Get me out of here!!!

While I have been able to get out of the house (mostly to my CrossFit classes), the kids have not ventured further than our driveway since they got home from school on Monday. Yes, I know all you Marylanders have had your fill of snow and being snowed in. But here? It's just cold. Plain and simple. I don't like to be cold. I choose not to go outside when it is so cold it cuts to your bones.

That said. My kids, on the other hand, have been cooped up and are ready to get out of the house. My solution? The play area at the FMC. The kids were all over the idea... an hour ago!! As I've been trying to get them out of the house, what do they do? "Oh, look! Something shiny!" We are never going to leave.

So... if you are headed to the FMC... have fun! You probably won't see me there! I've been deemed Mrs. Bot and am supposed to hide in the closet.

(Zachariah wanted to try on my swim cap)

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

I am! Oh my goodness, I am so afraid of the Big Bad Wolf! That is, until I realized I can conquer him! My brick wall has gone up!

Disclaimer: This will be a long post. Mostly for me to chronicle my past and present to my future. So, if you want the meat of the post, go down to the bottom and read THE PLAN. Otherwise, enjoy!

Last Monday, we had a fantastic speaker at our MOPS group. Lindsey came and talked to us about her program she leads in the Family Ministry Center (FMC) at our church. Wow! Can I just say it was phenomenal! Perfect timing and exactly what I needed to hear! Lindsey is a trainer and nutritionist. She has learned so much and is willing to spend time with others and share it with us. I am so grateful for her heart to share what she loves AND to do it in a loving manner.

If anyone knows me, they know that I could stand to lose "a few" pounds and get back to my happier, healthier stealth 137 lb body. Yes, it is going to take some time, but at least I am finally there.

So, who is the Big Bad Wolf? In this case, there are several wolves. 1) Food. Oh, sweet, delicious food! 2) Exercise 3) Time & Energy 4) Money.

1) Food: I love food. I love it when I am happy, I love it when I am sad, I love to rejoice with it and to help others by bringing it to them or celebrating something over food. I love food. I love to cook and I love to bake. Oh boy, have I been in trouble! Recently, I have learned quite a bit about myself and my relationship with food. Yep! I am an emotional eater. Did you ever have a clue? Anyway, I have known this, but recently, I have started replacing my emotional neediness on food, with journaling, doing a few jumping jacks or picking up a glass of water. Small changes, right?

It really all started in December, when 2 weeks before Christmas, The Hubster and I tore through the house and threw out most of our processed food, sugary snacks, salty snacks and anything that we would turn to for a snack or treat. It was hard at first. I started putting some mini-chocolate chips in my yogurt, just to give me that "taste" of sugar. Now? Not really craving it! We don't have it in the house and it is going to stay that way! I let myself cheat a little bit at the MOPS meeting though. I mean, really... who can resist all that yummy food???

2) Exercise: I love to exercise. Once I start doing it. I feel good, I'm happier, I feel better about myself and even my outlook on life in general. When I don't do it, of course I feel more sluggish and well just blah... The Hubster and I tried the Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred. We've done it before, but this go-around seemed incredibly difficult. I couldn't believe how out of shape I was. I mean, me. I used to play full games of soccer (with a few puffs of my inhaler), swim, run around everywhere. And here I was finishing, but not satisfactorily the short Level 1 exercises. And here I thought I could make it on the Biggest Loser. You know what I'm talking about, we all think we can do it better than they can! Since I am not on the show, I knew something had to change.

3) Time & Energy: The Hubster leaves for work by 7 and depending on the night, gets home at 5 or 7 or 8 that night. Doesn't leave a whole lot of time for me to hit the gym and since my kids are both fighting taking naps, I don't have that hour or two to myself to get a good video or workout in, so I just don't. And since I don't make the time to workout, I don't have any energy and get frustrated when I do try and fail. Horrible excuses, but that is exactly what they are. Excuses. No more!

4) Money: Fortunately, our FMC has a yearly fee of only $50. So, for the full use of the gym and even the huge play area for the kids, I can (if I find the time) get a great workout in, utilize the trainers and have a safe place for my kids to play. Unfortunately, there isn't childcare, so finding that proves to be difficult.

THE PLAN:
Finally! I am down to the plan! After many discussions and going back and forth with our budget, we have carved out some extra funds for me to join the amazing CrossFit classes that Lindsey facilitates. We also decided that I could join the 6am class on M/W and The Hubster would just go in to work a little later those days. Thanks Hubby!

This morning, I went to one of the workouts to see really what it was all about and boy was I in for a big surprise! First surprise? I was able to jog around the track 3 times with a partner, while talking and not needing my inhaler (I have exercise induced asthma, fun huh?). Then, we were shown a few things and started putting weights on and doing some lifts. I think I have done some weight-lifting classes in high school, but nothing real, since then. It felt so good to do it! One of the sets were to do sumo-lifts and really squat down. I HATE SQUATS!!! After learning a few more things, cooling down, stretching, etc. The class was over. Short and sweet! And then... I could barely make it down the stairs! Oh my were my quads and legs like jelly. The rest of the day was spent "running" after my kids and squealing with pain in most of the steps! Good pain though. Definitely a good pain. I did something with my body this morning and It. Felt. Good.

But what about the plan? Tonight I joined several other ladies I know for the Intro classes to Crossfit. We learned how to do some of the moves, which unfortunately for me included squats. Let me just tell you that getting up and sitting down are going to be difficult the next few days! We will have the Intros for M/W for the next two weeks. Learning about the exercises and how to do them correctly so when it comes time for the workout, we are all set and can jump right in, or in my case, hobble a little bit!

The Hubster and the kids also joined me afterwards for the the Nutrition Seminar. Loved it! Taught me more about different foods, what they do to or for our body and how to take care of ourselves.

So, at the end of the night, I stood in sheer horror as I took off my top layer and let little ol, fit and healthy Lindsey take a picture of me as the Before. The Never Again. The old me that has died and will be a part of my testimony. I am joining in on a Paleo challenge (eating the foods God has made, not man) for the next 6 weeks. Changing our diet and exercise routine, shedding the pounds, eating healthier, teaching the kids how to eat more healthy and feeling good about these decisions all along the way.

I have quite a long journey to get back to my high school 137 lb weight, but I know I can get there. No, I am not going to share with you the before pictures (I haven't even seen them), but I will tell you that this journey will be amazing and hard and everything I want it to be, as long as I put myself forward, get off my rear and change my life.

*Even if you don't want to join in this endeavor, please feel free to keep me accountable by asking if I've been Paleo that day or written in my food journal, written in my prayer journal, had a workout, etc. The best way to conquer something is with the people you love, with their support and our own courage and of course with God's gentle hand guiding the way. Won't you join me?

Praise Ye the Lord...

This morning, our church services were canceled. I believe it is because most of the roads aren't salted enough and the parking lot isn't clear. They held one service, but we weren't going to fight everything to get there, so we had our own church service this morning, at home.It started after breakfast with Sweet Pea leading us in some Worship on his guitar. Jesus Loves Me, The Walking Song and of course Batman and Robin were sung with joyous voices and great care! Then, The Hubster read a bible story which kept the kid's attention (they love reading and they love the bible, so no surprise there). They enjoyed being involved with the story and answering questions, etc.After the story, we had a few more songs led by The Hubster on guitar...and then Sweet Pea and Monkey "drove" us home from church. Sweet Pea made sure we were all buckled in, in the backseat and of course had to make a stop at Stuffmart (Walmart) to get a few things before heading home for lunch.It is always so interesting to me to see what the kids pick up from us as far as routine goes and what matters to them. I loved watching them while they listened to the story and listening to what they learn from it. Not an hour went by before I could hear one of them recounting parts to the story. Sweet, sweet children who just love living life. I couldn't ask for anything more!

The Rule of Thirds

My friend Amy, from when I lived in Maryland, has started an online photography class. If you have read any of my previous posts, you'll notice one of the goals I have had is to take a photography class. This is probably the closest I will get to a photography class in the near future, so here I go!

The first assignment was to take pictures that correlate with The Rule of Thirds. As Amy wrote on her blog (originally taken from Wikipedia), "The Rule of Thirds states that an image should be imagined as divided into nine equal parts by two equally-spaced horizontal lines and two equally-spaced vertical lines, and that important compositional elements should be placed along these lines or their intersections. (Thanks Wikipedia for that definition.)"

Because I am so new to photography, I was confused quite a bit as to what The Rule of Thirds really means. Once again, I felt inadequate to complete something and I almost didn't! But, as I reflected on my goals again, I realized that I would not be the person I am today if I didn't fail at times. So... here is my take on The Rule of Thirds!

Taken with a Nikon D40.
Saturday, January 23, 2010 - We went to a friend's 5th birthday party at MyGym and this was my Monkey enjoying the festivities there.


Taken with a Nikon D40
Saturday, January 30, 2010 - We had about 4-5 inches of snow the night before. This is Monkey cleaning off Daddy's car and thoroughly enjoying the first snow she remembers!

Snow Day!

Well, we finally got enough snow to finally call it a snow! About 4-5 inches came sweeping through all day Friday. Beautiful, white, snow that seems to have glitter spread all across it. Beautiful, COLD snow!

I am not much of a snow person. Well, I would say not much of a cold person. I would much rather wear a t-shirt and a pair of shorts than a big, winter coat that makes me look more like a marshmallow than I already am! However, I do see the beauty in it. Especially when it has been untouched and it blankets the area. There is something serene and peaceful about snow.

After a morning of playing inside and getting ready, we finally went outside in the snow, and the children had a blast! Sweet Pea had been asking me all morning if we could go out in it. He was so excited when we opened the back door and he could run around. Monkey had the same reaction!Snow angels!Cleaning the snow off of daddy's car.

We didn't buy a sled because you never know how much snow one will get in our pocket of TN, but with a rope and garbage can lid, we had our free sled and it was so much fun! The kid's laughter made it all the more special to be running free in the yard!
Not so excited about me taking pictures anymore, but they always warm up to it. They should be used to the camera in their face by now, right?

The Hubster and IThe Hubster, Sweet Pea, Monkey and Me :)

I love my Family!

Deleting possibilities

I was reading through my blog, which I haven't posted in for over a year. Somehow, having all of my deepest thoughts out there for people to read and to know the real me, scares. me. to. death! But, now? Now, I feel like I want people to know the real me. Hopefully you won't be turned away.

I was going to delete some of my previous posts, but why? They are a part of me. They are a part of my past, who I was and who I am becoming.

Once again, I am on a journey of finding myself and who I really am. Won't you join me?

Contentedness - is that even a word?

This morning, I realized that we need to be content with where we are. Well, it wasn't just this morning. Almost every day, I remind myself that, and truly, I thought I was starting to be. This seems to be the norm for us. We believe we are starting to be content with living here and then, something happens and bam! we are right back where we started. Immediately, words like, "I want to move, NOW!" come out of our mouths or those thoughts come streaming out of our minds.

A moment ago, I had this conversation with God:

Me: Okay, God, I was content this morning. Ready to try this church out again and become involved. I know they have women's groups, kid's worship and a friendly atmosphere. I'm ready to get more involved with the community and the people we have met.
-We go to church and I am trying to be open, but the pastor really annoys me! I like the worship and the people seem nice and really helpful (although they tried to shove candy in Zachariah's pocket last time and we didn't really like that).

Later, Me: God? What happened? I know they are trying to be friendly, but a huge basket of sugar-filled goods? Is that really a way to welcome people? A year ago, we would have been happy with getting baked goods on our doorstep, yummy! Now, we know better and don't want anything to do with them. That seems to be the way here. Unhealthy choices abound. It is just one more aspect of the frustrating nature of this area. So, what is it God? Should we just roll over and learn to be content or should we move to the other end of the spectrum and stay discontent so we don't lose sight of what we really want for our family?

God: Trust me.
Me: That's it? Trust me? How? Trust you with being content here or keep looking elsewhere?
God: Just trust me.
Me: Again, Lord. I am confused. We get frustrated with the search process, but frustrated with what this aread has for us (or lack thereof).
God: Be patient.
Me: Ha! Patience! I thought I had been patient. I thought taking steps back and looking at the big picture is what you would want us to do.
God: Trust. It's all you need to do.
Me: I am not sure what you are asking us to do. Trust and be patient. Does that mean something will come along and we can take off? Get out of here? Or are you saying you are going to change us and we will stay here forever. Forever, Lord! I don't know how much I can handle that. There is so much here that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't know what else is out there, exactly, but I do know that we want more. We want more for our children. More opportunities, diversity, culture, education, healthy choices, how are we going to get that here?
God: *Silence* You know what you have to do.
Me: Yes Lord, but I don't like it.

And the tears start to fall.

Dreams and Aspirations

There are so many different sides to me. Some I haven't really shared with others. Not because they are a secret, but because I haven't really figured out what it means to me or how much I really want it. I've had ideas running through my head as to what I want to do or be (besides wife, mother, short-order cook, house cleaner, etc.).

1) I want to learn to sew. Wow! Did I just say that? Part of this could stem from the fact that I am now a wife and mother and it would be cheaper to make things for the house and children than to buy them. The other part could come from just a desire to learn something new. Learn a new trade. Learn to make bags, purses, curtains, whatever! And sell them! Contribute to the family's finances, but mostly, be proud of my accomplishments that this was something I actually made!

2) Get my MBA. I know I could get this partially through the local college, or through Phoenix online. I would love to learn more about business and how to run one (maybe I could sell my bags from knowing about this?). I feel like my brain is wasting away and I don't like it!

3) Take a HTML/web development class. I would like to learn how to make a website and manage it. For business purposes, but also just to know how to do it!

4) Start a Customer Service consulting company. So many times I have gone places or called a company on the phone and the way their customer service dept handles things, makes my skin crawl. I would create a company where I would train the employees on the benefits of excellent customer service. They would in turn, be somewhat of account managers and would find companies which they could train their staff. I would start the training on my own until the company was big enough for more employees, but true customer loyalty is falling by the wayside as computers and technology become more rampant in this country and the world. So, thinking about the future, clients would have to learn ways in which their websites and automated systems would benefit the customer trying to use it, even more so than themselves. How many times have I clicked off a website because it was too confusing or wouldn't take me back to the last page I was browsing. Stuff like this would need to change.

5) Become healthy. Now of course this may seem simple in itself, but really can be quite complicated. I want to be able to sit for long periods of time without my tailbone feeling like it is on fire. I would like for the stress to be taken out of my left shoulder. I would like to be able to run a mile without being completely winded or taking long breaks. Some day I would like to run in a race - maybe a half marathon or a triathlon. I would like to fit into my old clothes. The ones from just 10 years ago. I would like to feel good about my appearance on a daily basis, not just on a case by case basis.

6) I would really like to learn how to cook better. Take a class on sauces and spices. Learn how to make healthy meals with just a few other flavors added, but not sacrificing the health aspect.

7) I would like to open my own bakery/deli shop, but have healthy choices. Homemade breads, spreads and great deli selections and salads. I made a salad the other day, which was fantastic! Chicken, black beans, corn, lettuce, spinach, a tiny bit of cheese, sunflower seeds, craisins, small chunks of apple and salsa/ranch dressing. So good! For the most part, a pretty healthy salad, just have to fine tune a little bit.

8) Photography class. Oh how I would love to learn how to take really great pictures! Maybe even one day having a business where I take pictures of others for engagement or weddings, families, whatever!

I have so many ideas and things I want to do, I don't even know where to begin!

I am so frustrated!!!

To the man I share my life and love with...

I am so frustrated (not with you, but at US) for us just accepting the benefits as was, because it was good for here. I am frustrated that we didn't even think to negotiate with them in fear that they would say forget it. I am frustrated that we just took the first thing that came along to get out of MD (where we somewhat want to get back to). I am frustrated that we bought this house and now we have to live in it and pay for it and we don't really even like it. We are dumb. UGH!!! I am frustrated that we can't live where we really want to live (CA) because it is so darn expensive and we would live in a mobile home for the rest of our lives just to be in a good place. I am frustrated that in a year's time, we made so many stupid mistakes and jumped the gun so many times that we are now in the place we are. I am frustrated that we haven't found a church and we really don't have any friends. One thing I am not frustrated with, though, is that we are learning from all of this, we know somewhat what to look for in the future for jobs, house, church, town, etc. We have learned to talk more to each other about all of this and we have gone through it with one another. I wouldn't take any of that back. I am glad we have gone through this learning experience, but just frustrated all the same.

We will get through this.

I love you,
me :D
xoxoxoxoxoxox

It's me!!

Sometimes it is hard to figure out who I really am. Am I a wife? a mother? a sister? a friend? How about a daughter, confidant, counselor, leader or ??? The possibilities are endless, but most importantly, I have realized that I am me. All of those roles make up who I am and I wouldn't have it any other way! This blog is about who I am. It is about finding myself and figuring out what I believe in all facets of life.

I've Found Me!!!