This morning, I realized that we need to be content with where we are. Well, it wasn't just this morning. Almost every day, I remind myself that, and truly, I thought I was starting to be. This seems to be the norm for us. We believe we are starting to be content with living here and then, something happens and bam! we are right back where we started. Immediately, words like, "I want to move, NOW!" come out of our mouths or those thoughts come streaming out of our minds.
A moment ago, I had this conversation with God:
Me: Okay, God, I was content this morning. Ready to try this church out again and become involved. I know they have women's groups, kid's worship and a friendly atmosphere. I'm ready to get more involved with the community and the people we have met.
-We go to church and I am trying to be open, but the pastor really annoys me! I like the worship and the people seem nice and really helpful (although they tried to shove candy in Zachariah's pocket last time and we didn't really like that).
Later, Me: God? What happened? I know they are trying to be friendly, but a huge basket of sugar-filled goods? Is that really a way to welcome people? A year ago, we would have been happy with getting baked goods on our doorstep, yummy! Now, we know better and don't want anything to do with them. That seems to be the way here. Unhealthy choices abound. It is just one more aspect of the frustrating nature of this area. So, what is it God? Should we just roll over and learn to be content or should we move to the other end of the spectrum and stay discontent so we don't lose sight of what we really want for our family?
God: Trust me.
Me: That's it? Trust me? How? Trust you with being content here or keep looking elsewhere?
God: Just trust me.
Me: Again, Lord. I am confused. We get frustrated with the search process, but frustrated with what this aread has for us (or lack thereof).
God: Be patient.
Me: Ha! Patience! I thought I had been patient. I thought taking steps back and looking at the big picture is what you would want us to do.
God: Trust. It's all you need to do.
Me: I am not sure what you are asking us to do. Trust and be patient. Does that mean something will come along and we can take off? Get out of here? Or are you saying you are going to change us and we will stay here forever. Forever, Lord! I don't know how much I can handle that. There is so much here that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't know what else is out there, exactly, but I do know that we want more. We want more for our children. More opportunities, diversity, culture, education, healthy choices, how are we going to get that here?
God: *Silence* You know what you have to do.
Me: Yes Lord, but I don't like it.
And the tears start to fall.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Dreams and Aspirations
There are so many different sides to me. Some I haven't really shared with others. Not because they are a secret, but because I haven't really figured out what it means to me or how much I really want it. I've had ideas running through my head as to what I want to do or be (besides wife, mother, short-order cook, house cleaner, etc.).
1) I want to learn to sew. Wow! Did I just say that? Part of this could stem from the fact that I am now a wife and mother and it would be cheaper to make things for the house and children than to buy them. The other part could come from just a desire to learn something new. Learn a new trade. Learn to make bags, purses, curtains, whatever! And sell them! Contribute to the family's finances, but mostly, be proud of my accomplishments that this was something I actually made!
2) Get my MBA. I know I could get this partially through the local college, or through Phoenix online. I would love to learn more about business and how to run one (maybe I could sell my bags from knowing about this?). I feel like my brain is wasting away and I don't like it!
3) Take a HTML/web development class. I would like to learn how to make a website and manage it. For business purposes, but also just to know how to do it!
4) Start a Customer Service consulting company. So many times I have gone places or called a company on the phone and the way their customer service dept handles things, makes my skin crawl. I would create a company where I would train the employees on the benefits of excellent customer service. They would in turn, be somewhat of account managers and would find companies which they could train their staff. I would start the training on my own until the company was big enough for more employees, but true customer loyalty is falling by the wayside as computers and technology become more rampant in this country and the world. So, thinking about the future, clients would have to learn ways in which their websites and automated systems would benefit the customer trying to use it, even more so than themselves. How many times have I clicked off a website because it was too confusing or wouldn't take me back to the last page I was browsing. Stuff like this would need to change.
5) Become healthy. Now of course this may seem simple in itself, but really can be quite complicated. I want to be able to sit for long periods of time without my tailbone feeling like it is on fire. I would like for the stress to be taken out of my left shoulder. I would like to be able to run a mile without being completely winded or taking long breaks. Some day I would like to run in a race - maybe a half marathon or a triathlon. I would like to fit into my old clothes. The ones from just 10 years ago. I would like to feel good about my appearance on a daily basis, not just on a case by case basis.
6) I would really like to learn how to cook better. Take a class on sauces and spices. Learn how to make healthy meals with just a few other flavors added, but not sacrificing the health aspect.
7) I would like to open my own bakery/deli shop, but have healthy choices. Homemade breads, spreads and great deli selections and salads. I made a salad the other day, which was fantastic! Chicken, black beans, corn, lettuce, spinach, a tiny bit of cheese, sunflower seeds, craisins, small chunks of apple and salsa/ranch dressing. So good! For the most part, a pretty healthy salad, just have to fine tune a little bit.
8) Photography class. Oh how I would love to learn how to take really great pictures! Maybe even one day having a business where I take pictures of others for engagement or weddings, families, whatever!
I have so many ideas and things I want to do, I don't even know where to begin!
1) I want to learn to sew. Wow! Did I just say that? Part of this could stem from the fact that I am now a wife and mother and it would be cheaper to make things for the house and children than to buy them. The other part could come from just a desire to learn something new. Learn a new trade. Learn to make bags, purses, curtains, whatever! And sell them! Contribute to the family's finances, but mostly, be proud of my accomplishments that this was something I actually made!
2) Get my MBA. I know I could get this partially through the local college, or through Phoenix online. I would love to learn more about business and how to run one (maybe I could sell my bags from knowing about this?). I feel like my brain is wasting away and I don't like it!
3) Take a HTML/web development class. I would like to learn how to make a website and manage it. For business purposes, but also just to know how to do it!
4) Start a Customer Service consulting company. So many times I have gone places or called a company on the phone and the way their customer service dept handles things, makes my skin crawl. I would create a company where I would train the employees on the benefits of excellent customer service. They would in turn, be somewhat of account managers and would find companies which they could train their staff. I would start the training on my own until the company was big enough for more employees, but true customer loyalty is falling by the wayside as computers and technology become more rampant in this country and the world. So, thinking about the future, clients would have to learn ways in which their websites and automated systems would benefit the customer trying to use it, even more so than themselves. How many times have I clicked off a website because it was too confusing or wouldn't take me back to the last page I was browsing. Stuff like this would need to change.
5) Become healthy. Now of course this may seem simple in itself, but really can be quite complicated. I want to be able to sit for long periods of time without my tailbone feeling like it is on fire. I would like for the stress to be taken out of my left shoulder. I would like to be able to run a mile without being completely winded or taking long breaks. Some day I would like to run in a race - maybe a half marathon or a triathlon. I would like to fit into my old clothes. The ones from just 10 years ago. I would like to feel good about my appearance on a daily basis, not just on a case by case basis.
6) I would really like to learn how to cook better. Take a class on sauces and spices. Learn how to make healthy meals with just a few other flavors added, but not sacrificing the health aspect.
7) I would like to open my own bakery/deli shop, but have healthy choices. Homemade breads, spreads and great deli selections and salads. I made a salad the other day, which was fantastic! Chicken, black beans, corn, lettuce, spinach, a tiny bit of cheese, sunflower seeds, craisins, small chunks of apple and salsa/ranch dressing. So good! For the most part, a pretty healthy salad, just have to fine tune a little bit.
8) Photography class. Oh how I would love to learn how to take really great pictures! Maybe even one day having a business where I take pictures of others for engagement or weddings, families, whatever!
I have so many ideas and things I want to do, I don't even know where to begin!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)